Saturday, 21 May 2016

Self Confidence

Self confidence is a topic that it widely talked about however, I've never really touched on it at all. So today is the day that I am going to speak up and share my views to the world. I have been SO hesitant about uploading this post, but I thought f*** it, why not. I think I have finally hit a stage in my life where I really do not care what people think (to some extent). 
After years of questioning whether I should start YouTube or not I have finally started it and I never thought I'd love something so much. Blogging has been my go-to platform for the past few years now, but I have been watching YouTubers religiously for over 6/7 years now. I've grown up with them. It's opened my eyes to a whole new world. Made me who I am today. So I thought, why not try it myself? What could go wrong? I expected to get hate/still expect to get hate, but unfortunately that is just something that comes with it. However, so far all I have got is love and support which I am so so so grateful for! Who knew so many people would want to subscribe and watch my videos. 

One thing that was holding me back after all those years was self confidence, or should I say the non-existent self confidence. At school I was always the quiet one, which would be a shock to many people because if you know me, you know how loud and crazy I can be. Not many people wanted to be friends with me however, I did have a nice small group of friends who supported me no matter what. 


That's all I needed. I didn't need to be the centre of attention. I didn't need to have hundreds of friends. I couldn't care less if someone didn't like me. If someone at school did not like me, they didn't like the 'school me'... they had never seen the true me. The girl who constantly swears and has a loud mouth. The girl who would blog her life away with not a care in the world. The girl who had thousands of followers/friends on Twitter who meant more to her then the people at school ever would. 

So why did I let them hold me back? Why did I care so much about what they would say if I started YouTube or whatever I did with my life? 

It all boils down to the idea of 'perfection'. Thanks to the media, we are all expected to look like Gigi Hadid or the next Kardashian. When the truth is, you can't be those people but who you can be is YOU. 
I spend so long looking in the mirror at my body and comparing it to other people. Questioning: "Why don't I have a perfect body like her?", "Why are my hips so big?", "Why have I got the biggest thighs on this planet and the flattest bum?" ... the truth is... You have all of these 'imperfections' because you are you. You're not going to look like Gigi Hadid because you have bigger hips then her and that is fine. You should love your imperfections (which shouldn't be called imperfections but you know what I mean) because they are what make you, you! Your stretch marks, that may I add pretty much everyone have, even the smallest of people (thanks puberty) make you who you are. They show that you've grown, stretched, pushed yourself to the limit!

If you want to make changes to your body, then do it! If you don't, then don't. Do not let the idea of 'perfection' in the media change the way you feel about yourself. If you know that you are happy and healthy, then that is all that matters. At the moment I have been feeling fat. Basically pregnant. But I'm not being hard on myself at all. I know it's because I've been under a lot of stress recently and comfort eating/drinking (not in an alcoholic way haha) to 'ease the pain'... fair enough, it has made me put on a bit of weight, but I am still healthy. 

If you truly want to make changes in your life, then my advice would be to do it in small steps. If you go full on straight away, you will lose all motivation. I've recently started the 30 Day Ab Challenge. This has been my little change. It isn't much but it's something. It's pushing me. It's keeping me motivated. it's giving me goals to achieve. 
I shared these pictures (above) on Twitter last week saying how determined I am to lose a bit of weight and sort my body out. I was not doing this for attention seeking in any way. I was doing this for me. I posted that, so I could look back on it and see how far I have come. Yes, I know I have flabby bits, I know I'm not toned... so there's no point pointing it out. What do people seriously think they are going to achieve by pointing out 'imperfections' of someone else's body?! That was a little change for me. I never thought in a million years that I would post a picture like that for the whole world to see. But that was my way of saying... THIS IS ME *cue Camp Rock*! 

I don't really know where this post is going, but all I want to say is... PLEASE JUST BE YOU! Do what you want to do, say what you want to say (without hurting other people's feelings of course). I have 'got rid' of all the negative people in my life this past year, who were bringing me down and I truly have never felt happier with the friends I have got in my life today. Getting those people out of my life has helped me gain confidence and grow as a person, rather than being 'comfortable' around the same people day in day out. JUST DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO BE HAPPY AND CONFIDENT. If that's by eating a share bag of M&Ms (pffttt 'share bag') to be happy then DO IT (It's what I am doing right now and I have no shame at all). 

The moral of this post is: Don't let anyone dull your sparkle or cloud your sunshine. DO NOT LET PEOPLE HOLD YOU BACK. Once you get out into the world and push yourself, you will naturally grow more into the confident person you want to be! 

Lastly, I just want to say thank you all for sticking by me... without your support and love, I would be a crumbling mess... LOVE YOU ALL <3


I hope you liked this post and I hope it got you thinking.
Let me know in the comments your views about self confidence, I'd love to know what you think about the subject. It may also help a lot of other people <3

Don't forget to check out my YouTube:
I upload weekly on a Saturday at 10am!

Love you all
x