Thursday, 6 April 2017

Failure

I constantly look at life in black and white. Success and failure. For some reason over time I've created this ideology of, if I have a good day then I have succeeded, but if I have a down day or something happens that was not part of the 'plan' I've failed. If I've had a bad day before I'll force myself to have a good day the next day. But life just does not work like that. You can't force yourself to feel a certain way. 

I need to start telling myself, that if a plan does not go the way I imagined I have not failed and the day has not been bad. When I get it into my head of how a day should pan out or if I look forward to going to an event but then have to cancel at the last minute, it feels like the world is ending. It feels like all the walls are crumbling down and I can't control anything. 

I don't know why I'm like this. I just build up a massive expectation in my head and if it does not compare to what I had imagined, then it ruins everything for me. You might think I'm exaggerating or I'm a drama queen... maybe I am?! I mentioned this on Twitter a few weeks ago and some others said they felt the same way so it's nice to know I'm not alone! 

I had a little cry this morning about life. I know many university students probably do this, so I know I'm not alone. I've gone from being busy 24/7 to now actually having time for myself. I was the exact same last year so I kind of knew it was going to happen again. I spend the whole year wishing I could just have some time to rest and not have to think about anything, but now I'm actually at this stage, all I want is to keep myself active (physically & mentally). 

I put way too much pressure on myself and feel the need to succeed in everything I do, which is good because I'm always working hard to succeed, but when I fail it feels like all of my hard work is wasted. I know this is normal, isn't it?! So why do I beat myself up so much? 

I need to start telling myself that it's ok to have a crappy day and those crappy days are a small amount amongst the millions of happy days I have! I basically wrote this post to just get everything off my chest, so sorry for the long ramble. But if there's one thing you can take from this is; it's ok not to be ok and you do not and will not succeed all the time. It does not mean you're failure in general, or at all.