The Year of Change

I always find myself coming back to my blog whenever I am going through a difficult time. It's like a weighted blanket wrapping around me; comforting and safe. Even though I haven't posted on here for a couple of years, I still think about blogging every day. It's been in my life now for 9 years and I can't imagine not having this safe space of the internet to go to. 

A lot has happened in the past two years. We're still very much in the midst of the pandemic, but there is some 'normality' again. It's been a weird two years of lockdown birthdays, new jobs, promotions, social distancing, working from home, and living with Bradley. He was only planning to live at ours for a couple of months... two years later he's still here, oops! 

This year is the year of change. Something with which I have a love-hate relationship. Change for me has often had a negative connotation to it. It's always been a time when I have felt anxious and uncomfortable with the thought of something new. The change that's happening this year is all positive! I'm becoming an auntie, which I have been dreaming of for so long, and Bradley and I will be moving into our own place. 
Despite everything being positive, I can't help but feel anxious and apprehensive about all of the change. 'Home' is going to mean something different; we're going to be creating our own home. We're going to have to create new traditions, new routines and figure out a new way of life. 

The past couple of years throughout the many lockdowns has felt somewhat comforting. The introvert in me has flourished. I can't imagine going into an office every day anymore, I honestly don't know how I did it before. Now I am able to have a proper work-life balance. When I turn off my laptop at 4pm, I am able to have a full evening to do what I what. I don't have a two-hour commute to do. 

Now the world is going back to a certain level of normality, I'm finding myself feeling overwhelmed and unsure about how I feel and where I stand with it all. I'm fully vaccinated, I still wear a mask, and I stay as safe as possible, so why am I suddenly filled with anxiety and stress about having to tackle a commute, go into an office, and socialise again? Why am I finding it so difficult to accept that this is life now; it's not going to go back to how it was before?

One thing I remember from my CBT was my therapist telling me that it's OK to sit in the worry for a while. Allow yourself to feel all of the emotions, as long as you know how to manage these feelings. At the moment, I'm finding it a little bit more difficult than usual to manage how I am feeling. But, at the same time, I am aware of why I am feeling like this, and I know this feeling won't last forever. 

If you're also going through all of these emotions, remember you're not alone. It's OK to be worried, you're human. The main thing is to try and take control. Avoid social media or be more mindful of your scrolling. Find something else to occupy your mind. Talk to people about how you're feeling, whether that be a loved one or a professional. And the main thing is to focus on the present. There is no point worrying about what you can't change or control. Live in the moment. Find new traditions, hobbies, and routines; and remember change can be good. A fresh start to a new life. 

If you need more support on how to cope with anxiety and change, you may find NHS' 11 tips useful. Remember, you're never alone. Samaritans are always here if you need someone to talk to. You can call them on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org or visit samaritans.org

Take it hour by hour. Day by day. You got this 💗