I'm Not Amazing

"You're so strong and amazing" 

"You're doing amazingly well" 

"You've been so amazing with how you've dealt with this"

Over the past year or so this is what I have been hearing. Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for all of the support I have, I wouldn't be here today without it but it does get to a point where they're just words. 

I know I am guilty of just saying the generic "You're amazing" advice but like other people, in some situations I just don't know what to say. When does this supportive advice just become the automatic response? 

I am constantly having people tell me that I am strong and amazing but it comes to a point where I just can't even begin to believe it. Yes, sometimes I do feel like the strongest woman in the world and I do think I have handled things in a grown up manner, but how can I listen to someone saying I'm strong when all I feel is defeated and weak? 

I will be lying in bed crying my eyes out, with people sending me the most heartwarming messages telling me how wonderful and inspiring I am. If I was really strong, inspiring or amazing... why am I in bed sobbing until my face is blotchy and I've got snot bubbles blowing from my nose (you're welcome for that lovely image). 

I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I can't trust and accept what people say (I mean lets be real, I probably do know why). Am I alone in feeling like this? I guess sometimes what I say or do online is the 'better' version of myself. I might say that I have achieved a lot but what you don't see is the panic, anxiety and struggle I have had to get to that point.

So when you tell me that I'm strong and amazing, don't be offended if I disagree with you.